As Coaches we learn to give- happiness, peace, breakthrough to our client, who I respectfully call Talent’ because each individual is holistic and does each action with a positive intent.
• For those of you who know Emotional Intelligence (El) well, and for those who want to know it, here goes the definition from Daniel Goleman- It is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions and recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others.
• NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming and is like learning the language of your own mind. In the rapport building process, knowledge of one’s emotions and its triggers (object stimulus that leads to an emotion) is effective. Asking powerful questions is the art of a coach, and reading the words or narrative or internal dialogue (Language pattern) of a talent in conjugation with the emotions, which the talent is expressing or perceiving helps a coach in understanding the sub-modalities (VAK).
How I reached this perspective is a serendipity, which I would like to share here.
One day I met two of my old trainees in a restaurant and for the record they are a couple now. Cutting the long story, of being overwhelmed, short, they asked me how are El and NLP used in coaching? One of them is an aspiring NLP Practitioner. I had been using both in my coaching, but never thought of this wedlock and this moment made me weave a beautiful and tough coaching fabric while enjoying a good meal and laughter together. It was then that I realized how effortlessly
NLP, El and Coaching are interrelated.
Recently a man approached me for conducting sessions with his nephew who he thought was shy, introvert, low in confidence and not social. I was noticing this man’s language pattern which consisted of “I think. According to me”, and I was intrigued to interact with his nephew. But understanding his trigger that he had come to Delhi only for this reason and labelling his emotion as that of desperation I did not show any sign of haste. In about 15 minutes, I subtly passed the message to him that all this is your side of the reality, and that I would like to speak with the nephew and find out if he is ready for this process and whether in his opinion there was an issue. Later, I received a message from the nephew that we can connect.
His message simply read “Ready to connect.”, my brain deciphered that the message had not come from a shy and introvert person, but as there is no scope of assumptions, I logged on. During the initial chemistry session, I found out that he just felt that his time management was an issue because of which he gets stressed as his boss scolds him for not completing tasks on time. Phew! All this was possible in flat thirty minutes and all thanks to my understanding of his emotions. In fact, he didn’t require any coaching on the issues shared by his uncle.
He replied to the point, was candid but I could catch him on one line spoken frequently “All is okay with me, just that my boss is short-tempered, and my mind goes for a toss every day because of him”. His entrenched emotion of anger, hatred was evident in his tonality. He shared happy moments of his typical day and that he has a good group of friends. Low self-esteem was not exhibited anywhere.
He was almost like a rebel in the first few minutes as he was upset with his uncle for putting him through this drill, I treated him as holistic person. On giving him the assurance that there will be no session unless he needs one, he was at ease and shared his self-awareness with me and we chose to close the conversation.
So, a coach needs to be in the moment and be aware of the talent’s emotions and language patterns to understand them and steer them to a breakthrough.
Happy Emotions and Intelligence!