May 4 ’19, the day of coach connect gave me an unforgettable learning. And as it is said that sharing is caring,hence I am here with my perspective on that learning which I gained this day.
-Courtesy Sister BK Shivani.
It was her session,we were a group of about 50 coaches from DNCR chapter and the photographer was covering event as instructed, a few minutes later sister BK Shivani very politely but firmly asked the photographer if the clicks are done so that he might as well take his seat and not create any distraction. Later she went on to explain how we have begun to accept many a things as normal which in reality are not. As per her these pictures should be in mind as !earnings and not as gigabytes in devices. Ah! She had already influenced me by then and while listening to her views on what vibrations we send when in anger, frustration vis-a-vis when in happiness, delight,joy. She was clearly hinting to emotions, my favorite area. Emotions, in fact are the locus of our behavior, our energy. And we can either be a giver in the moment or taker,so why not as well give and take nothing but positive energy, emotions and vibrations. Hope you are thinking in this direction.
The significant point truly synced in when she said,” We must question our intent before any public appearance that are we to impress or influence?’ My connecting dot to her thought was -Leaders should influence. Literature on leadership will seldom advocate Leaders should impress.
Also, a beautiful thought floated from one of the pieces I read on El that we operate either in ‘attack’ or in ‘defence’ mode. And both these modes have the potential to use our emotional intelligence. I am sure by the El wave created all around we are very familiar with this and it doesn’t need any definition. @DanielGoleman, respect!
How true is the thought that ‘It’s my altitude that will decide my altitude’, it indeed is very true and is my belief too. So, am I not vouching for my personal competence read power being the baseline competence to any other El competence?Adapted from @GrantHerbert. Bow!
Hence, I should be highly self-aware(first quadrant of Daniel Goleman El framework) as ignorance to self-awareness is no defence. As I am the entrepreneur of the organization -My life and myself so is each one of us, so I must know the law of land read myself(You must follow the law of land you are on).And my knowledge shouldn’t just end here, but also steer to reduce my blind spots, more of them will only cause havoc and lead me to navigate in dark resulting in collision and conflict.
I must influence first myself and then transcend to influence others by giving or taking only positivity, and even if there is negativity, I must use my veto power to decide how much to give or take this negative denomination so that it is not present out of the proportion in myself. While all this was crossing my mind through my ears and limbic brain, I happened to develop on a matrix, which I named as “Emotion Blaming & Owning matrix to Groom Belief System”, here let me also share the power of narrative. Our brain is slave of our thoughts so more we call it a monkey brain, better monkey it will become. Should I chose to call it a monkey brain or my brain is a million dollar question. After understanding the power of narrative aka internal dialogue I decided to call it my brain and I will feed both feelings in it but in a proportionate fashion so that my goal to build relation, make peace, get the work done,be happy etc. is achieved with least or no conflict.) prefer having a self-belief over self-doubt to own what I am doing and this way my thoughts manifest.) will not feed my worst enemy-Self Doubt.Does this sound enticing? Well it is equally challenging, but surely worth taking a shot.
“Emotion is Energy in motion which creates vibration and your emotion is your unique vibration. Let it be influence and not be repulsive”- Self Quote.
My mind, tongue and heart need to be in alignment and they can be in alignment only when I am self-aware, mindful and in the moment to exactly know what emotion I am exhibiting. Is it to the right person, in the right degree, for a right reason, at the right time, by my right state of mind. No one else but only I will decide this to be influence with my emotional intelligence.
My story doesnot end here, in fact it got a positive reinforcement just a little while ago when I read an article in todays Economic Times- Applying for a CXO job? Watch your step and the emphatic line read- The behavior track record of top executives is under scrutiny, say executive search consultants.
Here Supratik Bhattacharya,Chief Talent Officer, RPG stated “When we are hiring vice-president level and upward, atleast four-five people meet that person separately. We tend to see whether there is consistency of behavior.”
When the meanest of all worlds- The corporate World has begun to believe in the significance of behavior which manifest from our emotions,so why not work in building influential aura. Because I need to align my brain, tongue and heart in order to get that success as it is no more exceptional performance alone that will guarantee a job at the top.Go-getters are liked but not those who will kill others on the way.
Impressing can be fake but influencing is synonymous with being genuine.
To my belief system, it resonates very well with whatever I voiced out after being influenced by Sister BK Shivani and my field of Emotional Intelligence.How about your belief system could I influence it?
For any other support on Leading with emotions to influence, please write to coach@anjuchawla.com
